…. and talk about the future death of my animals without crying. But sometimes my bravery is just a veneer. Sometimes it doesn’t go deeper than that.
That spoke to me. Especially as I’m grieving the loss of my comrade who suddenly died on the weekend. Can I get another dog knowing how I feel today? Grief so deep that writing this my tears are pouring down my face? I’m not sure I’ll ever get over this. Im not sure … my veneer is so thin these days.
Dear Irene--I have to admit, I've been avoiding your comment because my own grief at losing my dog last February is still so unbearable that I feel I can't contribute anything helpful or hopeful. I'm so very sorry.
I have lost a soul dog before (he was my singular animal at the time) and it took me a decade to want another dog. I was lucky enough to have another soul-dog in Mackie, who just died. This time, I have two others, and they have been a tremendous comfort to me. I'm not sure what the answer is, other than to listen to your heart.
Kind words. … Our vet tracked down a rescue. She’s a smallish 2 1/2 year old golden. She fills our house with additional life. I looked at her this morning as she snuggled against me. She will never replace Ben dog but I’ve built a new shelf for her in my heart.
This is soooo good!! I laughed out loud when you fell to the floor, because I know that feeling. When all your inner wisdom is out of reach and you just react!! The best advice I may have ever received when I was pregnant with my first child, was from a colleague at work as we stood on the school playground, talking about my impending birth. She said
“birth, is the easy part- raising your child is the hard part”.
I’ve since told sooo many people this. We focus so much on the act of giving birth- but like you said, where are the classes that teach you to be brave? Teach you to hide your feelings from those innocent little eyes, teach you to have your heart ripped out every time they stumble and fall?? Where are the classes that teach you to operate on very little sleep, and multitask at a seemingly non- human rate???
Thanks for this Holly, I love to remind my children that I am human too- and it usually plays out with these kind of visceral reactions ❤️
Wonderful writing. It’s never only about wonder and bravery, is it…this human experience wouldn’t be complete without the opposite, however hard we try to believe it’s not so!
Love this! So beautifully written and you had me flinging that headlamp and coming up giggling, Holly! Such a true reflection of who we are as humans. Thank you for this. Many blessings and MUCH LOVE, ~Wendy💜
Swapping stories in a Peace Corps hostel in west Africa, my friend told us a story about a bat (a BAT!) landing on her face (her FACE!) when she was standing outside one night.
“What did you DO!” we asked.
“I just waited for it to fly away.” is all she said.
And that when I realized she was completely crazy.
I’ve just had a job interview and I was anxious and nervous throughout the whole interview. I didn’t feel like my usual brave self- the brave self I’ve intentionally been this year. The next round of interviews I’ll make sure I am braver than I was today.
Feeling brave and choosing to be brave are two totally separate things, aren't they? I think I can be a naturally brave person about a lot of things--that's the easy part. The cultivation of bravery...that's the difficult bit, but also where I find myself learning the most. Hoping your next round of interviews went well!
When my mother died last year, I put on a brave face for my family. I wanted them to feel I was okay, to think the world was okay. But it's not. Almost a year later, I recognize that we also need to emulate real emotions. I am sad and grieving. I am not okay. My kids see that and they too feel they can grieve, be sad, not be okay too. It's okay not to be okay. It's okay to be shocked and surprised by something and scream and at other times....stop and watch and admire. Thanks Holly. This has me thinking....
Exactly. When our beloved family dog died this year I had no choice but to let my kids see that I was not okay (and still am not, in some ways.) Sometimes, when I looked at them looking at me being sad, it felt like I could see neural pathways being carved in their brains. They stroked my hair, they patted my cheeks. This is important stuff.
Dearest, Holly. Your - Every word. Every painted image and sound. Every feeling, wonder, fear and heart. I read, saw, heard and felt your story like I was braving the moth face- off with you. Thank you.
…. and talk about the future death of my animals without crying. But sometimes my bravery is just a veneer. Sometimes it doesn’t go deeper than that.
That spoke to me. Especially as I’m grieving the loss of my comrade who suddenly died on the weekend. Can I get another dog knowing how I feel today? Grief so deep that writing this my tears are pouring down my face? I’m not sure I’ll ever get over this. Im not sure … my veneer is so thin these days.
Dear Irene--I have to admit, I've been avoiding your comment because my own grief at losing my dog last February is still so unbearable that I feel I can't contribute anything helpful or hopeful. I'm so very sorry.
I have lost a soul dog before (he was my singular animal at the time) and it took me a decade to want another dog. I was lucky enough to have another soul-dog in Mackie, who just died. This time, I have two others, and they have been a tremendous comfort to me. I'm not sure what the answer is, other than to listen to your heart.
Kind words. … Our vet tracked down a rescue. She’s a smallish 2 1/2 year old golden. She fills our house with additional life. I looked at her this morning as she snuggled against me. She will never replace Ben dog but I’ve built a new shelf for her in my heart.
❤️❤️❤️❤️
Oh I'm sorry for your loss. Been mourning the loss of my cat for 3 months now and like you said I'm not sure I'll get over it. Not yet.
As the Dalai Lama says, To be truly in this world is to live with a broken, open heart.
Hugs to you on the loss of your dear companion. 🐾❤️
This is soooo good!! I laughed out loud when you fell to the floor, because I know that feeling. When all your inner wisdom is out of reach and you just react!! The best advice I may have ever received when I was pregnant with my first child, was from a colleague at work as we stood on the school playground, talking about my impending birth. She said
“birth, is the easy part- raising your child is the hard part”.
I’ve since told sooo many people this. We focus so much on the act of giving birth- but like you said, where are the classes that teach you to be brave? Teach you to hide your feelings from those innocent little eyes, teach you to have your heart ripped out every time they stumble and fall?? Where are the classes that teach you to operate on very little sleep, and multitask at a seemingly non- human rate???
Thanks for this Holly, I love to remind my children that I am human too- and it usually plays out with these kind of visceral reactions ❤️
All of this! Also, I'm going to file away the phrase "all of my inner wisdom is out of reach" for future use on my children.
Love this! Nothing makes you more vulnerable and more brave, than small children. You see through two sets of eyes.
Beautifully put.
I remember pasting on a smile when my toddler climbed higher than I was ready for him to do. Talk about acting brave while feeling terror!!
Oh yes.
I think it is good for our children to see even brave moms sometimes feel scared. It is permission to be human, to be real, to be loved.
I agree!
You are brave!
Stunning.
This one really made me laugh out loud, like really LOUD! Your'e funny Holly. I love these tidbits from the farm. I hope the moth was OK?
Maybe I scared it, too, but that's about the worst of it, I think. I'm sure it's writing its own version of the encounter on Substack somewhere.
Just incredible Holly. Just what we all need right now!
For sure !!! I love your writing!!!
Wonderful writing. It’s never only about wonder and bravery, is it…this human experience wouldn’t be complete without the opposite, however hard we try to believe it’s not so!
Love this! So beautifully written and you had me flinging that headlamp and coming up giggling, Holly! Such a true reflection of who we are as humans. Thank you for this. Many blessings and MUCH LOVE, ~Wendy💜
Swapping stories in a Peace Corps hostel in west Africa, my friend told us a story about a bat (a BAT!) landing on her face (her FACE!) when she was standing outside one night.
“What did you DO!” we asked.
“I just waited for it to fly away.” is all she said.
And that when I realized she was completely crazy.
Not to be trusted!
The more we do brave things the braver we become.
I’ve just had a job interview and I was anxious and nervous throughout the whole interview. I didn’t feel like my usual brave self- the brave self I’ve intentionally been this year. The next round of interviews I’ll make sure I am braver than I was today.
Feeling brave and choosing to be brave are two totally separate things, aren't they? I think I can be a naturally brave person about a lot of things--that's the easy part. The cultivation of bravery...that's the difficult bit, but also where I find myself learning the most. Hoping your next round of interviews went well!
When my mother died last year, I put on a brave face for my family. I wanted them to feel I was okay, to think the world was okay. But it's not. Almost a year later, I recognize that we also need to emulate real emotions. I am sad and grieving. I am not okay. My kids see that and they too feel they can grieve, be sad, not be okay too. It's okay not to be okay. It's okay to be shocked and surprised by something and scream and at other times....stop and watch and admire. Thanks Holly. This has me thinking....
Exactly. When our beloved family dog died this year I had no choice but to let my kids see that I was not okay (and still am not, in some ways.) Sometimes, when I looked at them looking at me being sad, it felt like I could see neural pathways being carved in their brains. They stroked my hair, they patted my cheeks. This is important stuff.
Dearest, Holly. Your - Every word. Every painted image and sound. Every feeling, wonder, fear and heart. I read, saw, heard and felt your story like I was braving the moth face- off with you. Thank you.